By Pastor Sylvia Quah

  1. When I share my experience of sexual assault, I have feelings of fear, shame, confusion, helplessness and self-blame. I am even worried that you will doubt my words. My greatest hope is that you will believe me and assure me that it is not my fault.
  2. When sharing my experience, please listen carefully and do not interrupt or keep asking questions to get details of the abuse. It is unsettling and prevents me from honestly sharing my heart.
  3. Please do not judge or blame my dressing, age, cultural and family background, or my relationship with the perpetrator. These are never reasons or grounds for the aggressor to have hurt me. I did not ask for this to happen.
  4. Please do not criticize, judge, evaluate or analyze my experience – I need a safe place to share. Do not get sidetracked by your concern to do damage control or try to protect the perpetrator.
  5. Please allow me to shed tears or weep, and even be angry, because I have lost my dignity and my sense of security. My inner pain and sorrow needs relief. 
  6. Please speak to me gently and be accepting of me. It will bring me great comfort.
  7. Please do not touch or hug me without permission because such physical contact may trigger my traumatic memories. Please ask me and be respectful of my wishes.
  8. Please do not offer to journey with me one-to-one. The recovery process is a long one and I am worried that I will transfer my emotions to you, and emotional dependency may occur. I need two or more companions to journey with me, and to build a healthy support system, so that I know I am not alone in dealing with my trauma.
  9. When seeking advice, please make me aware of my options and rights so I understand what actions I can take – whether it is seeking help from an agency/organization, going to a hospital for a physical examination, getting legal advice or making a police report. Please respect my personal rights.
  10. Please do not push me too quickly to forgive the sexual perpetrator, or coerce me to be reconciled with him/her immediately. Reconciliation and restoration cannot happen without the aggressor’s true repentance, self-awareness and transformation.  


文 柯瑞莲传道

  1. 当我向你述说我曾被性侵犯的经历时,心里会感到恐惧、羞愧、混乱、无助、自责等等。我甚至担心你会怀疑我所说的,所以恳请你相信我,并清楚地向我说明,这一切都不是我的错。
  2. 当我述说我的经历时,请静心聆听,不要打断我或提问任何有关我被侵犯的详情,因为这会令我感到困扰,使我无法坦诚和全面地说出心里话。
  3. 请不要以我的衣着、年龄、文化、家庭背景或与侵犯者的关系等等来判断或谴责我,因为这些并不能成为侵犯者伤害我的借口,这不是我所希望发生的事情。
  4. 请不要因着我的经历而作出任何批评、审判、评价或分析,因为我需要一个安全的地方。同时,也不要为了试图控制损害程度而偏离焦点,或尝试维护侵犯者。
  5. 请允许我流泪、哭泣甚至生气,因为我已丧失了尊严与安全感。我内心的伤痛和悲哀需要得到纾解。
  6. 你的温言细语、暖心接纳能为我带来极大的安慰。
  7. 请勿随意触摸或拥抱我,因为这些肢体上的接触也许会触发我悲伤的回忆。所以,请寻求我的许可,并尊重我的意愿。
  8. 请勿对我进行一对一的陪伴,因为康复的过程是漫长的,我担心我会移情,并极度依赖“你”一人。我需要两人或以上的陪伴者与我同行,帮助我建立健康的支持系统,好让我知道我并不是一个人孤单地面对创伤。
  9. 在我咨询时,请与我一起探讨我的选择与权力,让我了解如何应对与处理,包括但不局限于寻求机构帮助、到医院体检、咨询律师服务或向警方报案等等。请尊重我的自主权。
  10. 请不要强迫我迅速原谅侵犯者或鼓励我立即与对方和解。和解与复原并不会发生在侵犯者真正悔改、觉醒与转变之前。
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